I know I've said this in the past but I'll say it again.... I promise to blog more :) I think I need an outlet and for right now this will be it.... Soooo I'm gonna try to do this more often and have a record of what my life is like now, cause I know as time passes I will forget what I went through, and how I got where I am.
So fair warning today is a vent session, so here goes....
I am so ridiculously tired of being patient!!!!! I know things will get better eventually and in some ways they have. We are very blessed to have Michael's cancer in remission and we are slowly starting to get back on our feet...But I just want this phase in life to be over!! I don't want to think about how I'm going to pay my bills and living expenses. I don't want to hate my job and the people I work with . And I want to go back to the girl that was positive and knew how to smile... I seriously I'm finding it hard to smile these days, positive thoughts are usually pushed out of my head and doubts just replace them.
It's amazing how much your life can change in just 6 months. This time last year Michael and I were talking about preparing to have another child. And then summer started, I went to diabetes camp and came back to having 2 teenagers living with us and then a month later my husband is diagnosed with cancer.... Needless to say my "plan" for how life was supposed to progress went out the window. I was supposed to be losing weight, getting my blood sugars perfect, and buying a new insulin pump and getting pregnant!! Now after the cancer treatments we don't even know if we can have kids naturally. We might be able to get pregnant with some of Michael's "swimmers" we had saved before chemo. But I do not want to pay to get pregnant, on top of a high risk diabetic pregnancy! i'm just sad....
Disclaimer- to my friends that are pregnant or have recently had a baby I'm so so happy for you and I love you....BUT why are so many people pregnant right now!!
I'm officially a baby hungry psycho ...LOL
That and chemo is expensive!!!! Really how in the world to they expect people to pay for chemo even with insurance helping out....
I'm sorry this is depressing and I just need to stop... I just NEED a vacation (but unfortunately that will not be happening anytime soon)
Now to leave off on a more positive note....I just want to say thank you to all my friends and family that help me, and listen to me and try to make me smile.. I truly am blessed as far as friends go ;) I love you guys and I promise next post will hopefully be way more positive.
Kat
